Ready for some thinking???


Sigh, it's really amazing what emotions can do to you, right?

It can make you feel like you can overcome anything - srsly anything - as long as you tried.
It can also make you feel like anything you try would fail and has been failing..

And it's also amazing how the devil knows how to manipulate your feelings to deceive you into believing all those emotions of yours. (which are actually, most of the time, false.)
Idk what happened, but I lost my principle of "principles over feelings" (which kinda appeared on my msn nick for quite a period of time last time).

Well not really lost, but it doesnt play the biggest role in my life now. (not that i chose it this way, more like other choices overlapped it)
Rather, I think now emotions and feelings get the better of me. (it sucks srsly)

One moment im like so optimistic & jovial & wanna do everything!
Then, when something disturbs or makes me disappointed or smth, all the optimism that seemed so realistic then becomes impossibility.

I'm like, how in the world did that optimism and drive come and go so quickly??? (& then, awww..wish you were here...) nah kidding not so gay, but argh.

But i now realised, that the devil has very cleverly & subtly manipulated my not-so-worded brain and made me turn the focus to the not so important things. (mainly feelings)
Slowly & very slowly, he shifted my focus onto these things and showed me 'light' into being able to sense the slightest of atmospheric dryness or things like that.

& using the fact that i am not worded in God enough to fight these thoughts, he magnifies them and shoves it in my face. (which makes life difficult and very uncomfortable)

I feel like Laura (from GM) now wtheck. Haha.

But anw, now i know better.
Get yourself worded in God, & back everything up with a verse.
I'm serious. Seriously, serious.

Doing that now, to bring myself back up to competency.
It's hard though, considering the fact that im one who learns ways and methods through watching..(well ain't everyone, actually?)

So when certain behaviour or actions suddenly doesnt seem consistent, i am affected cos in a way, my 'principles' are affected.
because when i see things and derive people's principles by how they do things & they are good & right, they naturally add to my principle/methods bank (in my brain la of course).

So when the person suddenly doesnt follow the principle that has been evident (to me at least) for so long, i feel like im cheated & that what i've been following or doing hasn't been right all along.

Well okay this 2 paragraphs above is just drawing out a strand of my thoughts.
It's a subtle one that I dont really Think about, it just forms in my head..(those kind.. yknow what i mean?)

But now im drawing it out to focus on it & just clear all flaws & also to better understand how 'Cleo' works. hahah.

Well, actually, can anyone identify with me?

Actually, it affects me, not directly like how i would continue to function and everything but it just makes me feel very very uncomfortable when the source of that principle is opposed by the source himself/herself.

It's like "Dude! I was learning from you! & now you're doing the opposite?? So all along has it been the right thing or not?"

Okay, so this is my 1 train of thought.
I think it's rather confusing.

But i think it does make sense.
Sorry if I left you starry-eyed after reading this long chunk of things that you couldnt make out..

But anyway, i'm off to do QT!
If you can identify w me pls tell me hahaha (& tell me "you are not alone..")

Oh goodness, that song during the MJ concert kept playing in my head when i was having SS prelims & the image of the woman hugging MJ kinda scares me..

Ok if you dont know what im talking abt, its MJ's concert. (dunno which one haha)