I have no right to say anything's too hard for me, because Jesus has been through it.
And he was human.

At times I feel like giving up, but I do it, because I Love You.

How privillaged I am,
To have known Him (:

But I'm very sad that I keep losing sight of the vision to serve, to keep on going.
Seriously, I've got lotsa catching up to do.

I mean, yeah I teach, I show, but I think what I need now is the big picture.
And, not my own picture, but His picture.
I wanna know his vision for the group.

Somehow I feel that "I wanna see Crescent growing bigger by dont know how many" seems too general.
Actually, I think it is.
Also, not just the vision of crescent "big-banging", cos really, that's my own near-sighted goal. I want Him to lead me.

Okay la, maybe I put a number in.
But I want that number to come from God, not me.

Is that the furthest a vision for a group can go?
I don't think so.

But if that's the vision, I'd be glad too. At least there's an aim you see.
But I want a clearer one, a more defined one.
And, I'm expecting. (AS IN, expecting smth from Him)

So, what do I get if I expect much? (:

Much.

(:


I really thank God that ppl saw potential in me,
That they chose me to rise up.
Honestly, I don't see myself as a person who'd be able to lead well at all.

Okay, from a typical perspective.
I am lazy, irresponsible and dont take initiative.(even in things that I like)
From God's POV, its obviously possible.
I think rising up for me wasn't an easy thing.

I mean, I don't know why man. But I see ppl outgrowing me so quickly.
Ppl rising up so quickly. That's my degree of incapability.
I was lazy and irresponsible, yet ppl trusted me to do this role well.
And everytime I do a bad job, I feel bad.

But this feeling slowly disappears over time.
And still, ppl trusted me.

Idk how and based on what man.
I mean, if it was patience, I think this would've been very patient of them.
So now I feel that I'm slowly growing in responsibility and laziness and also abit of initiative.

Yeah I'm nowhere near overcoming it,
but I think its starting to grow, still at the start though.

But I believe, as long as my heart is right, and though I dread doing certain things but which i'll still do because of Christ, he will bless me.
I'm pretty sure of that.

I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to take anything like this.
But hey, I think I'm getting a hang of it.
And I'd wanna grow into one who has tons of this skill, so that I'll be able to move on and grow in other impt areas as well.

I'm still quite a lazy person, so you could say I'm a slow learner, cos you needa do to learn you see.

But yea, I'm gonna try to keep doing.
And not be lazy.
Cos laziness really kills.

Haha and now, I'm really trying to dig out desperation in me.
Since vision night was about that, and since I've been hearing about expecting from God and definitely receiving, taught about it.
So I really gotta carry it out.

Haha yay I suddenly feel excited.
And I just thought about something too.
I found it quite funny.

"People call me cheekopek, but you can call me tonight"

Okay la whatever alr. I dont feel like blogging anymore.
My house is not an emo place, therefore I do not get any feelings and thoughts.
Which is quite sad.

Meh, bye.