Live life as though its your last day.

I dont know why God keeps giving me things to spur my urgency.
its very scary. haha. i mean i know why la. but.. its just scary.

I just got this image, (not mms of mas selamat)
in the morning when i woke up.

well not exactly.
i replied charmaine's sms when i saw it in the morning,
then i fell right back to sleep.

then i had this dream.
i was asking charmaine how was the person in the hospital doing.
i dont know who the person is uh, apparently there is someone sick in the hospital. lol

like those terminally sick kind, those kind that will pass away in a few months or smth kind.
she told me that she wouldnt die. so i was like YAY great! :D

then charmaine was like
"but he said you will die leh, in 1hours time."

i dont know how the doctor know me.
i think i went to the hospital before or smth. lol.

then i was like, omg.
1hour?!
thats too fast!

you know i was like semi conscious when i was dreaming.
like as if i was awake.

so i really thought it was true.
so i was like super panicky and stuff.

the things that came into my mind were like.
the PEOPLE who's life i didnt impact,
the people that drifted,
the people that i would be able to if only i had focused more,
mainly, PEOPLE.

i dont know why those came into my mind.
i thought about that in my dream too (cos i was semi conscious and i thought it was real)
so i was like, why am i thinking about these stuff only?
how come nothing seems to matter as much anymore?
why?

that thought was processing at the back of my mind.
while at the main part, i was planning my time.
thinking of how i should use it well in everyway i can.

then i started to think of what i would write in letters to people.
to my close friends, family, friends that i feel that i shouldve done smth for them.

all the people i can think of.
i was chionging through all my letters k.

then my dream was abit messy lol.
suddenly it was like, what'll happen if its 1 week?
as in i'll die in one week. hahaha.

then it got more realistic *pants* and i started to chiong even more writing letters.
i even thought of what i will be writing in my letters.

i think i will be crying like mad man.
i also thought of how many people will listen to what i tell them.
the most scary one is my parents.
wondering if they'll listen.

and also my brother. his letter is gonna be very very strong.
hahaha. there's gonna be like, lotsa encouragements, affirmations, and set goals for him for my family :D
but i dont know what to write for my youngest bro.
lol cos he doesnt listen to what people say no matter how impt.
thats my impression of him luh.
the bo chap kind..

but i guess there will be encouragements and telling him how much i love him acutally.
for my parents i'll tell them my thoughts of everything and its gonna be like a long essay.
i wonder how things'll be like in life after i die eh. ahhaha.

this sounds like im cursing myself, but like i said.
I THOUGHT IT WAS REAL.

and there was letters for alot of school mates (:
and also, for church mates.
many people luh. haha.

so anyway, many things were processing through my mind.
and most of it was like cos i was not ready to leave the earth now.
damn scary la.

like so many regrets i have.
so many things i didnt do.

then i started tearing after a while, as in i knew i was tearing.
cos i was really tearing in real life on my bed. lol.
then after many many many thoughts and regrets.

i woke up. and i checked my phone and stuff.
to make sure that it isnt real.
checked my sms to see if charmaine really told me i was gonna die. lol

AND THANKFULLY, its just a dream.
but it was SOOOO REAL.
too real to be a dream, yet a dream.

so yeah, it made me realize alot of things that i need to do.
and i am gonna go all outtttt.
i was supposed to already.

i realized how lacking i am of urgency. (bad sentence structure?)
the poke came twice okay, twice!
one was about the scary facts, and now this.

okay im gonna do it well (:
cannot let anyone down. haha.

cmon cmon, use me more!

oh yes, and i am very very very happy!!! :D
just got THREE confirmations in 1 hour, last minute one summore!

THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU.
love love love love love love love love you.

make it a good day today! (:

Not afraid of circumstances in life,
And one God's promises are Yes,
Yes & Amen!